Jon Sloper reflects on the deeper power of ‘thank you’ – and why saying thank you may be one of the most human acts we have
At this time of year, when thank yous are so frequently shared for seasonal presents and hospitality, I have been reflecting on other thank yous that I’ve noticed.
Just this past weekend we have been saying thank you to a group of Ukrainian children in Dorset who have been part of a cultural group called Grains of Hope. With the help of parents and other adults in the Ukrainian community, they have been sharing the culture and traditions of Ukraine while they are here in Dorset, waiting for the war in their homeland to end.
We’ve also been saying thank you to a group of home care providers who support hundreds of residents across Dorset with all kinds of needs, making it possible for those people to continue to enjoy living at home.
We’ve also been reflecting on the thanks and gratitude we received ourselves last year. Colleagues were variously described as ‘a light in a dark place’ and ‘angels’.
Thank you is such a beautiful expression.
To say thank you to someone shows you have seen them, that you appreciate them and their actions, that you understand the choices and costs of the actions they’ve taken for you. Thank you is so wonderfully complex and multidimensional.
‘Thank you for my Christmas present’ is not only thanks for the pleasure and enjoyment of the gift and what it will bring to the life of the recipient. It is also thanks for the thought behind it, and for the effort to make or buy it. Beyond the moment of giving, if the gift has cost money, there is the effort of work that went into earning the money. And so the ripples spread. If the gift was made, it was probably done so by people we will never meet, perhaps by people from other countries, maybe from other times. The ‘thank you’ allows us to talk about the impact and meaning of the gift we’ve received.
Balance and connection
Receiving a thank you from someone brings visibility – a ‘thankless task’ is one where the person doing it is overlooked, ignored or even shunned.
A thank you, whether offered as good manners or in spontaneous and heartfelt gratitude, creates a bond between the donor and recipient. Balance and connection are made.
Sometimes, meanings and intentions can be revealed through a simple thank you. Two simple words can prompt a conversation, which may then provide a chance to explore deeper meanings.
I was interviewed this week, and after thanking us for the work we do, the interviewer asked: ‘why do you it?’ The simple question caused a brainstorm of feelings and ideas for me. I was disarmed by the directness of it, and hurried a (probably confused) response, trying to express so many ideas, beliefs, stories and values that had been stirred in the few seconds available.
The interviewer’s ‘thank you’ led to a place of immediate connection, whch broke through into a place of values and meaning and identity.
At this time, when so many services are being ‘rationalised’, when for so many the anguish of life is growing daily, these moments of gratitude and connection are an even more vital and precious place for us to be together as people. They give us a chance to understand ourselves and others better. They challenge us and give us a chance to grow and find better ways to be. Together.
Turning narratives away from blame, and fighting back some of our fears, to allow space and find reasons to say ‘thank you’ brings people nearer, makes our world brighter.
Saying thank you in words or just with a smile brings us all closer.
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