In a world of noise, true listening is rare – but as Jon Sloper says, being genuinely seen and heard can change everything
Twice last month, people we supported at Help and Kindness said the same thing: ‘This is the first time someone has really listened to me.’
We’ve heard those words before – many times – but they never lose their weight. Behind them sits a lifetime of being overlooked. When people say it, it’s rarely about one moment. It’s about years of feeling invisible.
Out and about in Dorset – chatting in community groups, catching up with colleagues, or in chance conversations on the street – we hear this sense of invisibility everywhere. It changes people. Being unseen and unheard affects how we move through the world. It changes how we feel, and what we believe ourselves capable of.
The impact of not being seen or heard is profound. It is unsettling and frustrating, leading to anger or a kind of helplessness – and eventually, we stop showing up. It contributes to a sense of powerlessness, of being divided into ‘us and them’ or ‘important and insignificant’, creating resentment and disconnection.
It’s not just individuals who feel invisible. Whole communities do too. Stereotypes creep in – ‘deprived’, ‘hard to reach’, ‘elderly’ – labels that replace understanding. When we listen to the communities described this way, they tell us they’re tired of being defined by oversimplifications that flatten the truth, turning people into statistics and stories into summaries.
When services are designed around these labels, they rarely fit the people they’re meant for. They lack roots and relevance, and will usually lack buy in from the people and communities they seek to serve. We all know it: we only place our trust in people who truly know us.
Part of the change
Many of Dorset’s public sector programmes are recognising these challenges. Approaches such as resident involvement in service design are helping to make people more visible and more involved. Listening is becoming part of how the change happens – not an afterthought.
At Help and Kindness, we work with people, organisations and communities to support this shift. We keep asking ourselves: have we really seen and heard the people we’re working with? Have we listened deeply enough to understand what matters to them?
That kind of listening takes time and effort. It can be hard to hear people’s experiences – some of them traumatic and life changing. The loss of trust is sometimes all that’s left.
When connections are made, though, things happen. Sometimes tears. Sometimes a hug. Sometimes it’s just silence, and a deep sigh of relief. These moments are fragile and can be fleeting, but are often profound.
As those connections strengthen, shared goals become possible. The work gains deeper roots and fits better with the people it seeks to serve.
Starting with being seen and being heard changes everything.
Letting people know they are seen doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as saying ‘Good morning’, asking ‘How are you?’, or offering a smile as you pass someone in the street.
What we’re really saying is: I see you. I hear you.
