Tips for surviving Christmas

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15 December 2022

It’s not always the most wonderful time of the year. Mental health blogger Melissa Boyle has some reminders for those who find it more stressful than joyful

The food, the friends, the twinkly lights and laughter … Christmas truly is the most wonderful time of the year. Right?
Well, no, not always. As an introvert and someone with OCD and a phobia of vomiting (sorry), for me, like many others, the festive season can be challenging for a whole host of reasons.
With a social battery that needs recharging more than most, coupled with anxieties that are naturally heightened during the winter months, Christmas for me is sometimes far from the picture-perfect scene depicted in Hallmark holiday movies.
So here are my top tips for enjoying Christmas without getting overwhelmed.

Want to, not should do
Over the coming month, do things because you want to … not because you feel you should.
The films you watch, the dishes you cook, the events you attend – sometimes Christmas can feel like you’re ticking off a giant to-do list. So stop.
Are you doing these things because you genuinely want to?
Just because something has become a tradition doesn’t mean you can’t drop it when it stops bringing you joy.
Similarly, don’t reject an activity because it doesn’t feel ‘festive’ enough. Fancy watching a horror movie or playing video games instead of roasting chestnuts on an open fire? Go for it!
Christmas is about unwinding and being happy, whatever that looks like for you.

No unnecessary pressure
Christmas, when you boil it down, is just another day of the year, and everything doesn’t have to go perfectly for it to be a success. So what if you ruin the gravy or forget to take a perfect family photo by the Christmas tree? Those aren’t the things you’ll remember when you look back – or if you do, you’ll laugh about it.
It’s those little pockets of easy contentment, your first cup of coffee on Christmas morning or a spontaneous hug from someone, that end up standing out in your memory.
So ask yourself this. Does every single moment of Christmas Day need to be spectacular? No.
Does it matter if things go slightly wrong? Again, no. Do your celebrations need to look like something out of a Christmas movie?
And once again … really, no!

What do you choose?
Family pressures and feelings of obligation crop up a lot this time of year. Of course, spend time with loved ones and do things that make other people happy. But you should also think about what will make you happy. Why not let yourself be the one to choose the Christmas film, board game, or location for the Boxing Day walk?
Remember that your wants and needs are just as valid as anyone else’s.

Set your boundaries
There’s no way around it – December always ends up being a busy month. Especially after everything we’ve been through over the last few years, it’s only natural that people are going to want to let their hair down and really go all out this year.
As the invitations start to pile up, remember that you don’t have to say yes to everything. Do the things you want to, and spend enough quality time with the people you truly care about. For everything else, you’re entitled to be selective. It’s perfectly OK to say no to a night out or a shopping trip.

Navigate your own stress
Personally, one of my biggest challenges at Christmas is the food. Specifically, a buffet – with all the double dipping and unwashed hands potentially touching everything – is my worst nightmare. I often find it overwhelming going to events where I know food is going to be the focus.
So to manage this, I try to always eat before events if I’m unsure what the food situation will be or whether I’ll be comfortable with it. I also remind myself that it’s OK to turn down food – again, it’s all about exercising boundaries.
Christmas can be tough if you suffer from any sort of disordered eating. I appreciate it’s also a tricky one to navigate if, for whatever reason, you’re not drinking alcohol or have one of a myriad other anxieties. There’s no easy solution that I know of, I can only say what works for me:
Please don’t be afraid to say no – to food, drinks or just an invitation
Bring your own food or a bottle to parties if the option is there
If in doubt, eat beforehand so you don’t end up going hungry!
Most importantly, if you feel uncomfortable, talk to your friends and family about how you feel. My friends are all really understanding and do whatever they can to make me feel more relaxed.

Be organised
I have a confession to make.
This one might be a little controversial, so I can only apologise in advance.
I start my Christmas shopping in July.
There. I said it.
Hear me out here. There’s reasoning behind this that goes beyond just really, really enjoying buying presents for people.
I hate battling the crowds in December.
I also hate having a big chunk of money leave my bank account in one go.
And I truly can’t think of anything less enjoyable than frantically wrapping presents two days before Christmas.
So, I just start early. I gradually wrap as I go and try to keep a record of what I’ve bought for people. It saves me so much stress, spreads the cost, and helps me feel in control.
I’m too late to help much this year, but set a reminder for next summer to make a start!
In the meantime, lists are a great way of staying organised – and that means feeling in control, which is great for keeping the feelings of being overwhelmed at bay.

Don’t spend beyond your means
Especially during these difficult and uncertain times, please don’t feel like you need to spend beyond your means on gifts for other people. Your loved ones care more about your wellbeing than what’s sitting under their tree on Christmas morning. You could jointly agree a price limit, suggest homemade gifts, or do a family Secret Santa so you’re buying one main gift rather than something for everyone.
Ultimately, Christmas isn’t about how much money you spend. Prioritise the things that matter more, like spending quality time with the people you love.

‘Tis the season to be jolly kind to yourself
Above all, remember that you’re human. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed or sad sometimes, and Christmas is no exception.
Don’t beat yourself up for not being full to the brim with Christmas cheer 24/7 and acknowledge that the festive season can be a lot to handle.
Give yourself some quiet time if you need it and don’t be hard on yourself.
I’d like to wish you a happy and restful festive season – whatever that may look like for you!
Come and chat to me on Twitter: @geekmagnifique

Dorset Mind has 1-2-1 and group support that you can access via their website:
dorsetmind.uk/help-and-support/

Back British Farming

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Editorial team

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15 December 2022

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November saw the seventh annual Back British Farming Day with support across Westminster, says NFU county advisor Gemma Harvey

On Wednesday 2nd November, the NFU hosted the seventh Back British Farming Day at Westminster. Throughout the year we ask MPs to show their support for farming, and Back British Farming Day is a chance to celebrate all things great about the British agricultural industry, with politicians, NFU members and the public.
As part of the day, the union asked MPs to wear the NFU’s iconic lapel badge to show their support for British farming. During Prime Minister’s Questions (PMQs) a sea of wheatsheaf badges could be seen on MPs’ lapels on both sides of the chamber, signifying their support for the role that British farmers play as food producers and caretakers of our environment.
Prime Minister Rishi Sunak voiced his support for British farmers and everything they do for our rural communities both during PMQs and on social media. Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer also showed his support for the day by wearing the wheatsheaf badge throughout PMQs.
On social media thousands of farmers and members of the public posted photos and messages to say why they value British farming so highly, the hashtag #BackBritishFarmingDay reached more than six million people, helping us trend at number five on Twitter in the UK.
As part of the day, the NFU hosted a breakfast reception in the Houses of Parliament, with more than 100 parliamentarians in attendance, including North Dorset’s Simon Hoare MP. During the reception, the regional winners of the NFU’s Community Farming Hero awards were announced. DEFRA Secretary of State Therese Coffey and Farming Minister Mark Spencer presented the awards. The Community Farming Heroes, farmers who have gone above and beyond for their communities, were nominated by their MPs. A wealth of nominations were received from across the South-West region, with Andrew and Alison Musson declared the winners.

NFU President Minette Batters at the Community Farming Hero awards

Beef and sheep farmers from Devon, the couple foster children and have played an invaluable role in providing a safe and supportive home for some of Devon’s most vulnerable children.
Over the years they have looked after around 90 children.

Sponsored by Trethowans – Law as it should be

A muddle of eggs, racing, letters and beer.

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Laura

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15 December 2022

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It’s the first episode of the month, so it’s of course the front section this week – starting as always with Letter from the Editor, then the lead feature stories, plus this month’s reader’s letters:

In her end-of-the-year round up, Laura thanks the team – and you.
A swift look at the baking aisle in your local supermarket will tell you that the UK egg industry is in crisis.
Ever been to the races? Me neither. My first visit to a racecourse – on a windblown and wet November day in Wincanton – wasn’t at all what I expected, says Laura Hitchcock.
Letters to the Editor – listen to what others think (our postbag is always open – send emails to [email protected] ).
Hidden away in a fold of Cranborne Chase outside Shaftesbury, Guy Ritchie’s Gritchie Brewery is crafting a fine reputation.
1855 has opened in Sturminster Newton, and the eclectic new browsing bank of artisans and traders has proved an instant and massive hit in the town.

Winter bumblebees

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Editorial team

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14 December 2022

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Wildlife writer Jane Adams is on the lookout for a winter wild bee fix – even in December you can find them, she says

A winter-active buff-tailed bumblebee, bombus terrestris, worker
All images © Jane Adams

I’m not a massive fan of winter. With the onset of colder, shorter days and lower light levels, it isn’t long before I’m itching to see some summer wildlife again. I miss the insects. The very thought of bees humming and butterflies flickering across the veg patch is enough to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
But did you know you can still get a wild bee fix in the depths of winter? Even on Christmas Day? You just need to go in search of winter active bumblebees.
This isn’t as barmy as it sounds, I promise.
Typically, bumblebee nests die out at the end of summer; the new queens have hatched, left the nest, mated, and gone into hibernation.

A rather soggy buff-tailed bumblebee queen

Surviving winter
But one species of bee has been trying something different. Since the late 1990s, people who study insects have been spotting buff-tailed bumblebees flying and feeding in the middle of winter. It appears that if they have a reliable source of food, a safe place to nest and a mild winter, some buff-tailed queens can set up a winter nest instead of hibernating. Although severe and prolonged cold weather would doubtless kill them, these tough bees can fly at temperatures of nearly zero degrees centigrade, so they can survive short cold snaps.
One problem they do face is a lack of wild native flowers. But as luck would have it, we’ve been unintentionally solving this problem for them. Planted in our gardens, parks and around supermarkets, and bearing a mass of yellow pollen-rich flowers throughout winter, is a veritable bumblebee-buffet called Mahonia. It’s a common, non-native, rather prickly, winter-flowering shrub.
Now, if you were to trundle ‘up north’, you’re still unlikely to bump into a winter-active bumblebee. But in the climate-changed south, especially here in Dorset where we’re experiencing very mild winters, with fewer and fewer days of snow and frost, you stand a very good chance of seeing one.
So, the next time you encounter some bright yellow flowers, take a closer look.
You might find a black, white and yellow-striped reminder of summer softly humming to itself. Even on Christmas Day.

Do submit any sightings to the Bees, Wasps, and Ants Recording Society and there’s a fascinating downloadable BWARS information sheet on winter-active bumblebees.

What to look for and where to see buff-tailed bumblebees in winter:
Try to spot the large queens in October, November, and December
Look for smaller worker (female) bumblebees from November onwards
Fairly small drone (male) bumblebees can be seen from January (did you know that male bumblebees don’t sting?)
Look closely at winter flowering plants such as Mahonia, various winter-flowering heathers and winter honeysuckles where bees might be foraging for pollen and nectar
Look in town gardens, parks, car parks, around supermarkets, garden centres and various amenity shrubberies.
For the best chances of seeing one choose a bright, sunny but mild day.

Judging season at Love Local Trust Local

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Editorial team

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13 December 2022

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As the Love Local, Trust Local Awards closes, founder Barbara Cossins is excited that the serious business of judging has begun

Heading out to judge the entries is one of the best parts of running an award. As you can imagine, tasting and sampling all the delicious Dorset creations from our food and drink producers is a total pleasure.
And it’s at this time of year that the Love Local Trust Local judges head off to the four corners of Dorset to do just that. One team has been visiting the new farm shops category, for which there is stiff competition. Lots of inspiring and innovative ideas for small, independent businesses that are offering something more special than your local supermarket.
Then there’s the hospitality category, another new one for 2022. The judging team have already been out to visit Les Enfants Terribles and Black Cat Catering, both seriously impressive entries.

Here at Love Local we are all about telling the amazing stories behind our local food and drink producers, promoting their businesses, and helping spread the word about Dorset’s produce in these very challenging times. There’s lots of exciting things coming in 2023!
Over the next few weeks, we will be out seeing every single one of our entrants in person and then gathering up our thoughts to shortlist the finalists for February.

Awards night!
Whilst we’re talking awards night – put Thursday, 9th February 2023 into your diary. It’s the night of fine frocks and celebrations at the Love Local Trust Local Award Ceremony, which this year will be hosted at Kingston Maurward College.
A night NOT to be missed!
We would also like to take this opportunity to wish everybody a very happy Christmas – let’s hope 2023 will be a great year!

Qualified Electrician Required | Tom Christopher Electrical Ltd

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Editorial team

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13 December 2022

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Full time fully qualified electrican required to work in and around Dorset.

Company van provided.
Uniform
Mobile Phone and Ipad for business use
Company Pension
30 days holiday

Salary (hourly rate) dependent on experience and qualifications.

Please contact Tom:

[email protected] or call 07715 669 680

A Gillingham family has lit up their house for charity again this year!

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Editorial team

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13 December 2022

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A Gillingham family has lit up their house for charity again this year – and they would love you to come and see it and help support a worthy charity at the same time.

The lights are all timed with music (lots of songs!), with singing props, a Christmas tree and there are some new additions this year too. Plus extra attention has been taken to improve energy efficiency to keep it as green as possible.

Last year they managed to raise £150 which went directly to ‘Help for Heroes’ for which they are really grateful. Hopefully this year they can raise even more!

The show is on daily (NOW) from 5.00pm and will run right up until the New Year.

Raising money for Help for Heroes (all money rasied will go to the charity), the family hope all visitors will donate to the charity fundraiser – anyone wishing to give can do so via online at www.helpforheros.org.uk quoting chairty reference number: GEN22-1484485-01 – They also also accept donations directly through their letterbox.

Plus! They even have some fab official merchandise for sale all details of which are located on the noticed signs outside their house.

You can find them on Marlot Road in Gillingham, SP8 4FA.

Please visit and give as much as you can.

Barbara Griffin | Message of Thanks

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Editorial team

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12 December 2022

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The Family would like to say ‘Thank you’ to all friends and family for cards and messages of sympathy, and for donations to the British Heart Foundation of £180.

Please take this as our personal message of thanks.

Love through football

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Editorial team

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12 December 2022

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It won’t have escaped anyone’s attention that there’s a World Cup going on in Qatar right now.
The first World Cup I remember was Mexico ‘86 when Maradona’s ‘hand of God’ was etched into my memory forever. But, as a trade unionist and LGBTQ+ and feminist ally, this is the first World Cup since then that I actually considered not watching.

Ever since I was a kid, football has formed an important part of my weekly ritual.
When the old man was still alive, he would call every Sunday evening to talk about the football results. It’s often said that men – particularly those over a certain age – aren’t good at expressing their feelings. But through those exchanges, Dad and I would get a pretty good understanding if there was something bothering one of us, and I like to think that we always found a way to give one another the support we needed. Sometimes we find a different way to communicate:
ours was football.
For me and many other football fans, the beautiful game creates a prism through which we can project our own beliefs and values and put them to the test in a uniquely safe and public space. Perhaps that’s why some have condemned the actions of sportsmen wishing to express their own beliefs and values by shining a light on injustice. Perhaps they realise their own values are destined to fail the test when the lads on the pitch that carry the weight of their hopes on their shoulders make it abundantly clear that they stand against their bigotry and hatred and division.
In the end, I decided to watch.
I decided to support my country and the English values of solidarity and inclusion that our national team represents.
I am proud that they continue to take the knee.
I am proud of them for using their platform to shine a light on racism, sexism and homophobia and the rights of workers building stadiums.
I am proud to be English.
COME ON ENGLAND!
Pat Osborne,
for North Dorset Labour